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13 October 2014 @ 10:50 pm
So I've posted the first part of a chapter in the previous journal entry. It's just the beginning, it took me almost an hour to get that out! I have a newfound respect for authors, it really isn't as easy as it sounds! Please feel free to help me with editing because I'm sure I'm messing up the tenses.

I'm probably going to move all of the actual novel posts elsewhere but I wanted to get something going and my browser was acting retarded. I like this, I think I'll start going to starbucks with my laptop to write the novel over PSL's. In true Basic Bitch fashion. I don't think it is necessarily "Chapter One" my plan is to just write and figure the rest out later. I'm still going to blog because this is where I'll get my material for the novel - oh how exciting! Of course the first chapter I write will be about myself in true narcissistic fashion.

Speaking of fashion! OMG I went to SF this weekend and it was awesome, I am planning to go on a shopping trip up there again with Seagram (if she doesn't flake out) in a couple weeks and then I'll go to the fish market with Grease Head a couple weeks after that. I bought the fastpass preloaded at Costco so I am making that my excuse to cross the bridges of the bay more often. I also will not be able to resist the delicious Indian food that is available there.

Friday night is covered in my "novel post." I had a date last night, it actually went pretty well aside from the guy being way huger than the photos, but he was still mildly attractive. We haven't contacted again today, I think that's okay because he seemed like a stage 5 clinger anyway. As a matter of fact, most of the guys on OKC/POF are stage 5 clingers...uggh... or am I just not really interested in a relationship? I need to ponder this more.

The regional meeting is this week, it feels so much like The Office! I think it's the closest thing to a booze cruise that will happen at this job. I wonder if anyone will profess their love for a co worker. My money's on Ferdinand making a fool of himself to Seagrim. Poor guy is completely friend-zoned and still caters to her every whim. I'll probably get drunk and dance on a table like Meredith would do.

I had a nice walk tonight and got some more tea, I'm really getting into teas it's neat. Anyway, read my fucking novel!

-Gossip Lady
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: BSB 4 Life!!!
13 October 2014 @ 10:34 pm
"You should really add someone else to your account! It's totally free" said the Costco cashier for the third time.

"No thank you" Kat mumbled as she thought, "yes, I'm fucking single - get over it." Kat felt sorry for the poor Costco cashier who would have to work until she was 75 and probably went home to a trailer park every night after work. After the cashier confirmed that Kat would forever be alone she picked up the 5 gallons of gin and case of tonic water she had come for.

Three hundred dollars later Kat arrived home. Kat had planned on making a fancy meal for Tyrone that evening as reward for showing her the best way use The Internet at work that day and because it was Friday. Kat loves to cook a nice meal on Friday nights. She shared the recipe for Shrimp Bucellini with LJ that afternoon, he childlishly retorted, "Shrimp Bukkake!?" after seeing the recipe title. This was typical of LJ, to put an immature sexual twist on everything innocent in the world. Kat loves when this happens and proceeded to announce to the office she would be preparing Bukakke for Tyrone that evening. After leaving work early she went to get her car detailed and picked up the ingredients for dinner at what had to be the grocery store where the poor people shop.

Kat prepared the restaurant quality meal in between text message exchanges with yet another online dater who wanted to interact way too much after talking to her for only one day. She was going to meet him for coffee that Sunday evening, he was definitely going to be a hipster. Kat thought low of hipsters. Kat thought low of human kind in general.

After throwing the shrimp dish that took three times longer to prepare than expected into a plastic container for transport, Kat grabbed her pack of Camel menthols and headed out the door. She was trying to quit smoking but not this month. She barged into Tyrone's apartment in true "Kramer" fashion as she always does and announced she had out done herself this time. They complained about life and criticized everyone at work over the delicious meal and cheap red wine that Kat had left sitting on Tyrone's dining table weeks ago. After dinner they played one of Tyrone's free video games he had downloaded from The Internet. Tyrone was very much a computer geek and grew up wearing masking tape on his glasses. The first thing he did after getting a good paying job was pay for Lasik surgery so he could repress the memories of the masking tape on his glasses. Kat enjoyed bringing this up constantly and laughing at him about it. Kat liked Tyrone because he could handle the ridicule and usually joined in.

Kat headed home after they had won the cheaply made video game and went to bed. She was going to San Fransisco the next day.
Current Location: Not a Douchey Coffee Shop
Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Current Music: Thunder Rolls - Garth Brooks
05 October 2014 @ 11:26 pm
Apologies to my loyal fans for the lack of updates, I know all 2 of you have been dying for this...

I've surprisingly been so busy the last few weeks! What with all the late nights out at the onyx klub (it's an imitation club, like krab meat is imitation krab) and the DP's. I've either been too tired or too hungover to write about my adventures. So what all has happened since the last update? What was it about again, probably the onyx klub, oh that's right, the novel, it's still going to happen. Hopefully this week I'll post a chapter on here, I think I'm going to write it Game of Thrones style in which each chapter is a character's name .. yes ... yes...this is what I'll do.

So Tyler T Park is no more, he has since resigned from our office, we had a nice going away DP for him in which I covered him in mustard. By wearing a plain white T-shirt he was just asking for it. We of course went to fucking pete's the next day for lunch. Every week we go to fucking pete's to say goodbye to someone else. I hate fucking pete's. We also did the onyx klub last weekend with him. Oh and I almost definitely could have gotten laid! It was so funny! So we were all inside in our "booth" and of course Tyrone immediately hits the dance floor, he just can't not gyrate his hips when there's bad hip hop music playing. Oh and let's not forget the fact that he has to "get low" at least 300 times per song. Old man anal had made it out but he had left by this time because he's old and had to get to bed. Anyway, Tyrone was dancing and scaring away all the other klub-goers so I got up to dance with him to prove that he wasn't a psychopath and put the room at ease. While Tyrone (I keep typing Tyron, maybe I'm trying to make him Tyrion) is busy demanding everyone else at the table get up and dance, an attractive person of the opposite sex begins to grind on me from behind, he was super tall so that makes him attractive by default. Anyway, we were dancing rather sexually and everyone at the table was like in shock so they all started to dance hoping they'd have similar luck as I had. I took him out back and we had a cigarette and he bought me a beer. Then he bought Tyrone and Tyler a beer, that was weird. Anyway, we had swapped numbers and I even borrowed a MAGNUM XL from Tyrone (because "the regular ones just don't fit") but I ended up chickening out. Tyler was so disappointed in me, sorry, I just didn't want to end up getting kicked out of a bed at 3 am with a dead cell phone wandering the streets of the ville, probably crying (see 2 posts back for this reference). I actually feel really good about myself for that, just a few months ago I definitely would have boned him. I'm not sure why, I just didn't want to, I guess I really am out of that phase. Yay! Now onto the dating phase where I get to either go on awful dates or ponder spending the rest of my life alone with millions of cats.

Speaking of awful dates! I'm going on one tomorrow! Let's just hope it won't be awful. I've been talking to the guy online for 9 days now and we've exchanged 60 messages or so. At least we know we have some common interests before wasting the time on meeting up like other online daters I know who like to jump the gun on that shit. If the date goes well I'm sure I'll be able to close the deal in less than 4 dates too... We are going to the brewery across the street (there's a brewery across the street from me and I didn't even know it!! It's like a 9 minute walk!! wtf!?) for "trivia night" - fuck, that reminds me, I was supposed to "brush up on my trivia" as Tyrone suggested. Ehh, Tyrone probably WOULD study for a date... I've been trying to help Tyler get a date as I've set up this winning OKC profile for him: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/_Tray_Tray_

[EDIT AFTER I POSTED THIS: Tray Tray got a message! The girl said, "I just googled Meat Mountain" - looks promising!]

I've been doing a lot of OKC trolling lately and it's been quite hilarious. Old Man Anal has spent so many hours on that site that he's been drafted as a moderator! It's not that great but it's still fun, I got to see a penis last night! Then I sent the guy a picture of a shemale, I shouldn't be an OKC moderator, it would be bad. I keep receiving these awful dirty pick up lines (because I put that in my "message me" condition) and it's been entertaining, I haven't gotten any spectacular ones yet. Aside from the guy that wanted to "tape this dick to my forehead so I can CDs nuts" in response to my question of, "do you like tapes and cds?"

I've fallen off a variety of wagons lately but I'm getting back on tomorrow, I've got a leg up on them today. I've only smoked 1 cigarette today and I went on my walk. Tomorrow I'll start the starvation again and maybe even do a fucking Shaun T video in the morning, we'll see. At least I know I'll be walking to (and possibly running back out of) the brewery tomorrow so that will be some exercise. Tyrone and I checked it out last Monday and it was rather fun! They have really good beer there and the hours are only from 5pm - 8pm so if the date is awful at least I know it's ending at 8.

This weekend has been pretty low-key which is good. Friday night was fucking insane, after work Tyrone and I went to BevMo and bought a gallon of gin and fancy tonic water. I bought some cheap ass SKY vodka so I could get wasted and not waste my good shit. I bought the karaoke game again and we sang a few songs it was pretty fun. It was awesome how Tyrone wanted nothing to do with karaoke but then after I did like 1 song he was like, "man I'm getting in to this!" so hopefully I can get more of my friends into it and we can go out and do it for real! Anyway, the entire bottle of sky got drank and I invited some neighbors over to do karaoke with me. Tyrone was passed out on my couch the entire time, I drew a penis on his face and also wrote the word penis on his face, it was as if I was so drunk that I couldn't even draw a penis so I was like "oh shit, I better write the word penis so he knows what I drew..."

Saturday I woke up feeling like shit, like, really shitty, worst hangover I've had in months. Went to the Indian buffet (that tasted like crap :( ) with Anal and then he made me go to the fucking mall, there were so many CHILDREN!! it was awful. Just screaming and running outside. Then we had to walk the whole length of it to "get our steps in." I did buy some hipster vans, I really like them so I'll have to go shopping next weekend for other accessories to match them :). I love shopping and fashion, oh what a basic bitch I am. Saturday night it was pizza and OKC trolling over at Anal's, OKC trolling is always fun. I couldn't handle it so I had to go home early and pass out. Today was nice because I woke up quick, at about noon, just thought that I had to be in Compton....

Slept in today, and drug myself out of bed and onto the couch, finagled the antennae a bit and got to watch the Broncos tear up the Cardinals, I witnessed Potato Head throw his 500'th TD pass, a feat that only Brett Favre has achieved (I thought Drew Brees did this a couple seasons ago tho?). I passed the fuck out after the game which was glorious, got my kitchen almost cleaned up and even did the fucking laundry! Woo!

Okay, it's 11:30 and I'm all out of tea. Goodnight folks and I'll update more frequently this week because I'm not doing SHIT...

-Gossip Lady
Current Mood: lethargiclethargic
Current Music: Anaconda - Nicki Minaj
16 September 2014 @ 10:08 pm
So I went on this wonderfully long walk this evening, I love walking! I can't believe it but it's so mind clearing and relaxing as hell. I can't believe something as simple as just walking around listening to Pandora can make me feel so happy about myself...love it!

Anyway, enough of my douchery, I had this wonderful epiphany that I'm going to write a novel. For now I want the title to be "Ham Juice" but we'll see how that evolves. This isn't going to be like a 6 month project, I probably won't start putting it together for at least the next 5 years. I'm going to try and put myself into some unfamiliar situations in my life for the purpose of eventually "publishing" a satirical/humorous book about myself, Katarina but I'll be called Kat for short. Last name is TBD. I don't think the point is to write a good book, but for my life to be good enough to be written into a book. At the end of the day, no matter what happens, I can write something funny about it. I know this about myself so I'm ready to go through whatever it takes!

Obviously that last paragraph was not enough of my douchery...oh well, I don't fucking care. Anyway, this Live Journal is where it will all begin, I plan to try and write out sections of it here to later compile into some kind of novel. I'll start now by listing out the characters and I'll have to come back and update the list as needed.

So, without further ado:

1. Katarina ??
2. Amelia Lane
3. Hannah Marlin
4. Amanda Rowlin
5. Tyrone Solo
6. Tyler T. Park
7. Alexander P. Key
8. LJ
9. Milo Condimento
10. Evan Winters
11. Frank Hernandez
12. Rebecca Powers
13. Sheila Shriek
14. Dick Johnson
15. Billy Lombard
16. Nagasaki Slouchare (Nagga for short)
17. Jason Suave

-Gossip Lady
Current Location: Tyrone's Porch
Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: My Favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crow
15 September 2014 @ 07:09 pm
So it's time for an update, went out with the gang from work again this last weekend. I never want to stay out late on Saturday night again, or any night for that matter, I want to go to sleep by 1 am at the latest every night. Unless there's sex involved ... I'll sacrifice sleep for sex, but that's IT.

Once again wound up the Onyx Club, it was a wonderful experience for me because I did not get belligerently, black out drunk for once in my life. It was such an eye opening experience! I got to watch my co workers make complete fools out of themselves. Not that this matters anyway, people like us are far more sophisticated than the average Roseville Club attendee. They might have been laughing at us Saturday night, but we'll be laughing at them for the rest of our lives as they spell our names wrong on our Starbuck's drinks. Yes, there are pictures and videos I could post to embarrass us all but I feel I'm above that.

The night out in the club was also a good experience for me because I got to see what the guys in those places are like and the kind of girls they "hook up" with. I feel so happy to see that I was not missing anything and I know I'm not going to miss anything by avoiding the club scene in the future. I don't think I'll go out in Roseville again if I am not desperately bored. I might go to a real club in a big city someday, even the one I got thrown out of in Sacramento was nice.

Then came the horrifying realization Sunday morning that when I die I'm going to be found half eaten by at least 10 cats, likely weeks after my actual death because I'll be living in a huge mansion out in the middle of nowhere with all my cats. The post man would probably find me or something...Ha! That was pretty dark, but anyway, if the man I want isn't in the downtown area of my home town or online what am I supposed to do? So I woke up Sunday and got back on the fucking online dating site.

I had a good afternoon Sunday with Dwight (I guess this is sticking, I don't even remember how this started) and the Old Man (This is going to be permanent because this guy is obviously self conscious about his age and feels the need to mention it every time the opportunity arises) at the sports bar I frequented when I first moved to town. I got to see a bit of the Lions game, unfortunately, Dwight made them lose because we decided to leave the bar for a little while. I assisted the Broncos in defeating the Chiefs by not wearing my Broncos shirt. Yes, this is really how it works, despite Dwight's comment to me, "You know, that's not ACTUALLY how it happens." I guess I did kind of say it like I really meant it, and I do.

So here I am, trying to think about what people notice first about me or what my ideal Friday night is like because apparently old men are better at creating this bullshit than I am. I think I got it figured out though, I'm getting better results than the last time I tried this. Of course, I have also widened the age gap to men over the age of 30, I guess I was in denial about being 26 and still thought I was 17 or something. Ha! Honestly tho, if I think back on all the successful relationships or men I've enjoyed spending time with, they were all much older than I was. I was probably feeling pressure by social media or something and decided I had to be with someone my own age. Where's that plane guy from last year? I'll never forget that flight to Boston, and he had children closer to my age than he was! Oh well, no use crying over spilt... ....

I think I'm really nailing it with a 29 year old right now! I think I've also nailed my profile since I'm not really getting that many ridiculous messages. We'll see, I'll update if this goes any where. Hopefully I end up getting nailed too.

I discovered the best feeling today. Jumping into a cold pool on a 100 degree day in September. It was seriously the best sensation of my life, all the kids were at school, all the adults were at work - it was amazing. I also managed to get a tan on the day I called in "sick" to work, oh well. Another wonderful discovery is sitting in the corner of my couch drinking orange juice and sprite and typing on my laptop. Why have I never sat in the corner of my couch? This is so comfortable! I need a new TV stand so I can watch netflix from here..yes ... yes I do.

So Drogie ran away last night and still isn't back, hopefully he's out with Oreo. I'm not feeding those dicks until they come back.

-Gossip Lady
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: Sweet Home Alabama - Skynard
08 September 2014 @ 10:26 pm
So I found out how Trailer's night ended today! I feel that is worth a post, just for the pure amusement it will give me some day when I read this.

So they ended up going to another bar after we separated. They being Trailer, the 2 chicks which we'll refer to as older slut and younger slut, and our favorite backwards hat wearing douche, the douche. I guess Trailer and the douche weren't allowed into the next bar because they lacked boobs to flash the bouncers. Luckily the sluts got the bouncers to invite the boys in, after servicing them orally I'm sure. So they got good and wasted in this other bar and flagged down a taxi cab. Apparently the sluts got all over each other, unfortunately the boys did not follow suit. After arriving at some roach inn younger slut and the douche start going at it instantly upon entry into their slimy suite. So Trailer and older slut end up in the pool where she tells him that she won't get with him on the first "date" (because apparently meeting a random in a bar constitutes as a date these days). So after Trailer's dreams are crushed and he undoubtedly is suffering from "shrinkage" they head back into the roach infested hotel room where the douche had likely been finished jacking off into the younger slut 10 minutes earlier. Still not satisfied, the younger slut and the older slut start hooking up on the bed. Poor Trailer is just trying to sleep on one corner of it but ends up getting kicked off, literally. As he drifts off into a drunken slumber, he hears the douche "mixing in" with the sluts. At this point he can't bear the humiliation and slinks out of the motel, holding back the tears. As icing on the cake, he wanders aimlessly in an unfamiliar part of town with a dead cell phone battery until finding a taxi to get him back to safety...talk about a walk of shame!

Work was fun today, I smoked 1000 cigarettes Saturday night so I had my usual nicotine fit of rage around lunch time. Typical Kayla on a Monday scene. Seems the talk of the office was Trailer's famous threesome that never happened. I'm glad I'm happy at work again, even though I'm still annoyed with everyone I realize it's time to accept it. People are annoying, it's a part of life, the sky is blue and people annoy me. Well, that's step 1...acceptance. Now I just need to get over it, thankfully that usually happens very quickly due to my wishy washy-ness.

Dwight returned today and was not an extremely whiny bitch, that was unexpected. Hopefully he got some ass or something while he was on vacation. Anyway, I got to tell him the whole story about this weekend and it was entertaining. After work we went out to have dinner with his mom and sister and her awful baby that hates me. Every time it looks at me it starts crying! They seriously had to put blinders on it so it wouldn't happen. We determined that it was a sign that I should never have children. I think that would be okay. Dwight's family is pretty entertaining, I'm glad I'm not the only person in the world with crazy relatives. Our waitress must have had a crack addiction as she forgot like everything! I decided I wasn't going to leave a good tip because she would probably just spend it on crack, I can't be an enabler. After dinner I took them out on a walk so he could have some alone time in his trashed apartment, there is seriously baby shit everywhere! I know, I'm such an awesome friend/person!

After our walk I came home to lounge about and listen to 90's music, the country phase has passed...for now. I think I actually just got sick of the music and it's time for something new. I have a feeling a "hard rock" or "metal" period is coming but we'll see! I always love the 90's stuff.

I guess we are going out on the town again this weekend! Should prove to be exciting, my hopes are that Anal Guy and I can set up a DP with Dwight and Trailer and some unsuspecting lass. I'm setting the bar pretty high though, I think if I accomplish this I really will be the ultimate hitcher! I'll have to research "how to set up a DP" .... no ... no I shouldn't do that...

-Gossip Lady
Current Location: My Chair
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Sex and Candy - Marcy Playground
07 September 2014 @ 02:39 pm
I think I have the "hopeless romantic" personality trait. I find that I can easily change from one obsession to another whether it be "people" (no ... it's never people, always men, I've never obsessed over a woman) or dreams. I remember back in high school I had a new life long dream every other day! Anyway, I'm trying not to let the blogging thing become another thing I'm no longer obsessed with.

So where to start, I think where I last left off I was obsessed with getting a new job and making more money. Turns out they went with "another candidate" (probably some stupid political science major trying to develop software). Oh well though, it was disappointing and a relief at the same time, I was kind of nervous to start a job with all that traveling. Things have improved greatly at work anyway as all I had to do was ask for some different work to do.

I recently accomplished another flash in the pan life long dream. I had set out to get a co worker, whom we'll call Trailer Trash Trevor (for the alliteration as well as his trailer park wardrobe) to make me a sandwich. It took about a week, but, finally, on Friday I was presented with my sandwich. I had to split it with Andy so I could make sure it wasn't poisoned. Regardless, life long dream was accomplished.

I had a fun night out last night with Trailer Trash and this old man who's obsessed with anal from work last night. I enjoyed some greasy bar food with the anal guy as we waited for Trailer Trash to finish smoking weed and jacking off to league of legends. I guess he also got lost on his way to downtown Roseville, what an idiot. Anyway, ended up at the Onyx Club like always and it was pretty dead. It was slim pickins' as far as the men went, I did see some real winners though! There was the guy strung out on X doing the robot, the guy from a 90's metal band who was obviously in the wrong city, and of course glasses. I'm sure I could have easily picked someone up but I think I'm closing that chapter of my life. I had my day in the sun sluttin' it up, and it was nice but I don't feel like it anymore. It's just a waste of time, I mean, I like sex and all but it's never worth the drama that's attached to it. I think I'm just going to continue being happy with myself and just let things happen naturally. Like in romantic comedies! Because that's what real life is like.

So Trailer Park and Anal Guy and I headed out to this saloon I've been dying to check out since I moved out here. It was exactly what I expected. I'm going to learn the country dances and get me some cowboy boots and go out there some day, sweet, a new life long dream! They had a live band and it reminded me a lot of home and going out to the bars in Clifton with my mom, the good ole' days before our boyfriends turned in to monsters/husbands. It was nice except Trailer Park needed some frickin' french fries and it took like 3 hours! If the retard would have just met us earlier when we were eating dinner the fry fiasco could have been avoided. Oh well, it allowed for time to go by and the other bar to fill up. Anal and I facilitated a hook up for Trailer Trash, it was actually more fun than if I were going to hook up with someone myself!! At first it was looking like it was going to end up being a 3 some because it's like the first subject the lasses brought up. But then this douche showed up and took the younger one which is good. I think Trailer Park should marry the older one, they would have good looking children. Hopefully I can also facilitate this, maybe it would be more fun than getting married myself? OMG I SHOULD BE SOME KIND OF HITCHER LIKE WILL SMITH!!

I ended up getting a sombrero so I was photo bombing people's pictures, it was a blast! I learned that I can really rock a sombrero, which I bet is not something everyone can say.

Here I am with the douche:




I left my car parked down there so I had to walk down and get it this morning. I like walking around down there, it's nice and I can reflect on how great my life is. I did some drunken facebook stalking last night to fuel my narcissism and boy did it! I love how every person from my "dark past" is a complete loser now. I'm not being a bitch, these people deserve their horrible lives...honestly. It's nice to look back and see where I could have been and compare it to where I am now, it's really one of the best feelings in the world, and it's not something very many people get to experience. I guess I'm thankful for the rough time I went through because it made me the awesome person I am today.

Well, my meat is done marinating now (that's what she said) so I'm going to go cook and maybe start that cooking blog!

-Gossip Lady
Current Location: .....
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Top 45 Country Countdown
19 August 2014 @ 11:26 pm
I've been metaphorically house shopping lately.

I got to have my big in the office interview, it was pretty exciting and FANCY! I wore my nice new business suit (that was a f*ing hassle to shop for, apparently I'm a "petite plus size" ... what the fuck is that, it's like "oh, you're fat but...not". I swear, it's so annoying right now! It's like I'm too skinny for the fat clothes and too fat for the skinny clothes. My closet is like half clothes that are too big for me and half clothes that I am waiting to wear until I get there. It is pleasantly surprising to be pulling out new clothes all the time. This is such a long rant to be parenthesized! I think I should keep going ...) and my new shoes that were very uncomfortable, despite wearing them all day the day before. I think that was a dumb idea because my feet were just sore from wearing them the day before. I wonder if I were to put them on now if they would be comfortable. I'll figure the shoe thing out eventually, I like 'em so I'll figer it out. Enough about my narcissistic love of fashion, so the interview(s) went pretty well I'd say. I talked to 2 guys that were typical consulting manager types and a girl of the "senior associate" level who was pretty nice. I really liked the fancy office! However, I do have a lot to think about, it's like 100% traveling and I don't know what will happen to my kittens, I don't want to miss Drogie becoming an adult -- or do I?

Sleeping with Drogie has become like sleeping with a velociraptor (that word isn't in this HTML's editor's dictionary, how fucking stupid, like no one is going to blog about velociraptors, get it together LJ or I'll take my business elsewhere.) I have to remain perfectly still or he attacks, it's like the scene in Jurassic Park where the kids are hiding in the kitchen (probably the only scene of that movie I've ever really seen) and they have to be still so the raptor (oh, raptor's in the dictionary, give me a break) doesn't get them. I started sleeping with my squirt bottle under my pillow. If I lock him out he just gets angry and attacks the door all night, throwing his penguin at it like some kind of battering ram, it's out of control.

Went on another date last night...epic fail. "Travis" the "hotel manager" was BALD (none of the OKCupid pictures were of a bald guy) and a complete loser who had just been FIRED for being a "whistleblower" - ugghhh!! So I went home and deleted all my online dating shit permanently. Fuck it, I'm just going to let things happen naturally the old fashioned way. I'm already sick of dating! It's all a damn hoax I say, everyone just wants to meet in person right away and I don't know why, so we can have an awkward forced conversation and I can avoid sexual topics and try to dodge you trying to kiss me at the end of the awful date? Anyway, that's done, I hope I don't ever try online dating again.

I'm realizing lately that I'm 100% a different person today than I was 3 years ago today. For some reason I keep re-living and thinking a lot about my "dark period" I'm going to refer to it like they do artists because my life is like a body of art work, there was a dark period. I was thinking about pulling out some of those paintings here in this diary. But what would the point be? It's in the past, fuck it, I want to live in the future.

So I guess we're doing the BD tomorrow and the DP on Thursday. If the company I work for wants to keep people around they need to start paying for these damn drinking nights, it's like "oh to increase morale let's make everyone hang out in a bar and buy their own drinks." I bet KPMG buys their employees drinks...just sayin...Today was pretty damn funny tho, I would miss all the DP's.

FInally going to finish True Blood tonight, it's taken 3 nights because I keep passing out after like 20 minutes.

-Gossip Lady
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Fancy - Iggy Azalea
17 August 2014 @ 09:53 am
But I'm feelin' 22!

Lol, not really but it's such a catchy tune!

Anyway, I guess it was time for another post so here we are. I had my second date with Jason, I don't think there's going to be another one. There's nothing wrong with him, I just think I don't want to date anyone, it's too much to deal with, another person that you have to spend time with? Who wants to do that, the cats are already draining me. I mean really though, it's a lot of trouble to get yourself in to, starting a relationship with another person - I just don't want to have to care about any one else right now, I'm too important.

So I now have to come up with a very nice way of letting this guy down, because, despite my outer shell of hatred and discontent for other humans, I don't want to hurt any one. I think I'm going to just pull out the ol' it's not you it's me, this is actually true though! This is a big step for me emotionally though, typically in the past I would just date any body. So yay me, for being awesome.

Thursday night was a lot of fun, it was the same night as my date but I decided to hit up Doug's DP (Bill Lumbergh had organized a drinking night at the Diamond Plate but I like to call it the DP for obvious reasons). I stopped by for a beer to calm my nerves before the date. I received some great comments from my co workers, such as "wait until the 3rd date!" and "do not act like yourself at all!" It was really funny, I would really miss all of them. I decided yesterday that if I do end up leaving I don't want a farewell lunch, I would want a farewell night out at the DP, the title of the meeting has to be "Kayla's DP."

So after the bad date and the DP, I head back to The Ridge and decided to go meet Thomas's mother and tell them about the bad date. She's very southron. It was pretty entertaining and I will make sure and share the stories about how he wet the bed until he was 18 with the rest of our co-workers, whether the stories are true or not.

Friday was hectic at work, for a Friday. I was the only person on our team working that day so I had to handle all the crazy government clients that our boss usually deals with. Guess they couldn't figure out how to shut down a program and called for help. At least they called this time, instead of sending a "screenshot" which was really a picture of a computer monitor taken on a 90's era flip phone. I went out to lunch with Chetan that day, it was really nice. We discussed the current uprising in the office and my new opportunity, he thinks I should go for it just because of having that company's name on my Resume. We'll see, I would have to drive 30 minutes to work every day so they money has to be worth it.

Instead of planning a date with this Travis guy that I keep blowing off from OKCupid (I don't know if I'll ever go on a date after the whole Jason experience) I looked up some bars in the area for Thomas and I to take his mom to after work. Found a nice looking place that looked cheap because of Thomas's Jewish heritage. So I went out there and the GPS took me to a country club!? I was like "this did not look like a country club on the internet!" This is definitely why I should not be tasked with setting up a date, I would probably end up finding some Chuck-E cheese disguised as a bar on the internet. The country club was actually okay, we found some white shorts and a pink shirt for Thomas but he wouldn't try it on.

We also went to Lake Tahoe yesterday, it was a pretty lake aside from the Bear infestation. I got to have some BBQ for lunch which was great because I hadn't eaten BBQ since I was in Texas! I, of course, got the "'bama style" sandwich because of my love for Alabamy. The water was freezing and everyone had boats, I guess you need to be a boat person to go to Lake Tahoe. Thomas complained about everything the whole time, I laughed about it the whole time, was a typical day. We saw this car that had a bunch of chinese take out just sitting on the dashboard and it reminded us of Trevor, it was actually quite funny.


So I have tomorrow off of work for my big interview! I'm going to go shopping today and then spend the day wearing my witches' shoes and cooking/cleaning so I can "break them in."

-Gossip Lady
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: 22 - Taylor Swift
12 August 2014 @ 07:12 pm
It's day 7 nicotine free! The urge to kill settled in at about 11:30 AM today, an hour later than yesterday. This will be a delightful pattern to endure. The wine in my whiskey glass might just turn to whiskey before long.

Work was obnoxious, still fighting a futile battle with Jboss and Glassfish. Talked to Nike a lot today, it was nice. It's amazing how our friendship has evolved from drunken night out in Boston, to sworn enemies, to friends I suppose. He said I'm very smart (duh) and is rooting for me to get this opportunity, made me feel better because I feel kind of guilty. I shouldn't feel guilty because this is how the world works, what kind of successful business man feels guilt? This is something I should learn to get over ... stat.

Apparently Dwight is suffering from depression, give me a break. There are people out there with real problems who have gone through real shit, someone in a situation like me or him does not deserve to be depressed. We can support ourselves independently and don't have a bunch of accidental mistakes running around; We are free to be who we want. So many people cannot say that. I don't believe in depression anyway, it's just called being a bitch. So I told him to just stop being a bitch and that I'm not sure what the hell his problem is. This is sound advice, I'll be starting my national public speaking tour on this philosophy in the coming months.

So my new suit jacket should arrive tomorrow, I guess this means I get to go shopping after work! I love shopping these days, it's nice to fit in to a slightly larger than average size (and decreasing) and have the money to buy what I want. I have clothes in my closet with the tags still on! So I was confirmed today to have my interview on Monday the 18th from 10 - 12 AM, my shoes should get here Friday so I'll make sure and wear them all weekend so I don't fall and make a fool of myself like the first time I wore high heels to a nightclub. So excited at the possibility of working in a "sky scraper" in a "big city". It's still pretty cool considering where I came from and what I've been through in my life. I've been through shit that would really cause a person to be "depressed"...

Drogie is obsessed with playing fetch with his penguin, it's really getting out of hand. This morning he woke me up and had the penguin. I was trying to cook dinner last night and he kept bringing the penguin into the kitchen and looking at me with "puppy dog" eyes. Yeah .. a cat with puppy dog eyes. He has also thrown the penguin onto the keyboard of my laptop when I was trying work. He's out of control!

Finally completed True Blood today! Fucking Bill didn't want the cure to HEP-V!

-Gossip Lady
Current Location: Duh...
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Some Movie Max Picked on NetFlix